BUZZWORD COMPLIANT DICTIONARY
C

cafeteria plan: Any benefit program (medical, 401k, etc.) that allows employees to choose options from a menu. While it gives employees the impression they have choices, companies often use the approach as a way to pass along higher costs.
Nominated by Fritz Liess

calendarize: The process of adding meeting details to a calendar, also known as scheduling. "Among the duties of the executive assistant will be to calendarize meetings for the CEO."
Nominated by Roy Collingwood

cantenna: A low-tech, home-made antenna constructed from tin cans and other handy components and used to increase the range of a high-tech, WiFi (wireless) network.
Nominated by Mark Worden

capitalized reputation: A company's value based on name recognition and brand, not tangible assets. Or as Alan Greenspan put it: "The rapidity of Enron's decline is an effective illustration of the vulnerability of a firm whose market value largely rests on capitalized reputation. Trust and reputation can vanish overnight. A factory cannot."
Nominated by John Friedman

capsizing: Downsizing gone awry. It's the process of a company repeatedly reducing head count, but not the work, until it goes under.

carbeque: For commuters, it's a rush-hour vehicle fire that ties up traffic for hours. For dieters, it's a low-carb meal cooked on the patio grill.

carbon-based error: Error caused by a human, not a computer (which we assume would be a silicon-based error).
Nominated by Lyall Griffiths

cardboard crack: A reference to "Magic: The Gathering," the trading card game for kids, and its addictive nature.

Carnivore: Watch for this term to start showing up in the next round of spy novels. It’s the name of the FBI’s Internet surveillance system – a system that supposedly can monitor e-mail for evil intentions (bomb plots, terrorists, scams, etc.) without violating the civil rights of ordinary folks. Yeah, right. If it’s so benign, we wonder why they named it Carnivore.

carpool couture: Designer label fashions priced for working moms.
Nominated by Mark Worden

car-pool hours: To begin work when the last person in the carpool has to be at the office and leaving work when the first person has to go. "He can't get much done, he's working car-pool hours."
Nominated by Michael Tollefson

carried a bag: A seasoned, outside salesperson, who has traveled extensively, been responsible for meeting a large quota and has the ulcers to prove it. “All of our sales consultants have carried a bag.”
Nominated by Eric Smitty

casual carpooling: Commuting to work by hitchhiking with drivers who need a third person to qualify for the HOV (High Occupancy Vehicle) lanes.
Nominated by Eric Riggan

C-change: Not to be confused with "sea change." It's CEO-speak for replacing a fellow chief executive, CEO, CIO, COO, CMO, etc. "It's time for a C-change."
Nominated by Fritz Liess

CCYA: The act of CCing (carbon copying) an e-mail message to anyone even remotely involved in a decision or action in order to cover your own butt.
Nominated by Ann Feeney

celebutard: A not very bright celebrity. Frequently used to describe Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, etc.
Nominated by Charlie Walker

cellcert: The 30-year practice of holding up your Zippo or Bic lighter during a concert is finally fading. Today’s fans hold their camera cell phones high, snapping photos and letting friends back home hear – and see – the concert.
Nominated by Terry Porter

cell phone manager: Someone with a total lack of project management skills. He/she spends all day on the cell phone calling people and asking stupid questions.
Nominated by Mark Schaffer

cellular Macarena: The dance that occurs when a cellular phone rings in a public place. Everyone reaches for their coat pocket, front pants pocket, back pants pocket, etc.
Nominated by Kristin Arnold

centergistic: Focusing on one main goal or purpose. "We need to keep this meeting centergistic if we're going to make our deadline."
Nominated by Scott Haddon

CEO-speak: The buzz-laden double-talk top execs often use when talking with stock analysts, relaying earnings reports or announcing layoffs. "The downturn current reached sufficient strength this quarter that we could not power up against it."
Nominated by Aashish Sharma

certified pet stylist: Someone who actually has been certified to wash your pet, clip its nails, etc. Note: The Chief BuzzWhacker still takes his dog to a groomer who does not have a certificate from the International Society of Canine Cosmetologists.

certified used car: Aren’t you comforted to know that the car dealership can prove that the ’95 Chevy you're buying was previously owned by someone else.

CFNO: A CFO (Chief Financial Officer) whose answer always seems to be "No" no matter how large or small the purchase request.
Nominated by Tommy Lutz

C-gull: A C-level executive with the annoying habit of swooping in and out meetings and leaving a huge mess for his/her subordinates to clean up.
Nominated by Charles Mitchell

channibalism: When a new marketing channel steals business from existing channels without adding new growth. While this is a legitimate business concern, it's downright frightening to the executive whose bonus is tied to the "old" channels.
Nominated by Srimathi Kannan

chatterati: The talking heads, pundits, columnists, talk show hosts, etc., who have something "expert" to say on every issue -- whether it's meaningful or not.

chimping: The "ooooh! ooooh!" sound made by photographers when they spot a good photo while reviewing the images on the back of their digital cameras. T-shirts, mug available
Nominated by Rick Roach and verified by USA Today photographer Eileen Blass (the BuzzWhacker's wife)

China Syndrome: Current business-speak for relocating manufacturing operations to China to reduce labor costs. Baby-Boomers and Jane Fonda fans, however, may remember it's also the term for a nuclear reactor meltdown.

chirped: To contact someone on using a cell phone's walkie-talkie feature (with that annoying chirping sound). "I chirped her to see if she wanted to go to dinner."
Nominated by Rebeccas Harris

Cingular merge: The jerky, zigzagging attempt to merge into a new lane of traffic by a driver with one hand on the wheel and the other on his cell phone.
Nominated by Dave Linabury

circling the drain: What a struggling company does just before it goes down the tubes. “Jackson knew the company was circling the drain when he jumped ship.”
Nominated by Eric Smitty

clarity: Result when you think with a clear head. Since the dot-com bust and the recession, it's become a corporate-speak favorite.
Nominated by Ralph Calvert

C-level: Refers to a company's senior executive level: CEO, CFO, CIO, CMO, etc. "To sell that, we'll have to reach C-level people."
Nominated by Pam Greenberg

clicks and mortar: Probably the real winners of the Internet Revolution. Simply put, it’s a traditional company that managed to successfully integrate the Internet into its existing channels.

clicks-for-chicks: This one's not about the poultry industry. It's a reference to adult sites.

client-centric: Marketing-speak for anything that focuses on the needs of the customer. "We've boosted profits 30% since we began using a client-centric business strategy." Translation: We're making more money now that we're actually giving customers what they want.
Nominated by Charles Henderson

climate sensing: A random survey of workforce attitudes. Generally done by walking around and chatting with the employees. Also known as "taking the pulse."

CLM: A three-letter abbreviation making the rounds: Career Limiting Move. It refers to any incident that puts a roadblock in your career path. "Jack spilled coffee on the boss. It was a major CLM."
Nominated by John Lynch

clockroaches: Employees who spend most of their day watching the clock - instead of doing their jobs. T-shirts, mug available
Nominated by James Warner

clustomer: A group or cluster of customers that have similar buying habits, tastes or needs.

CNN effect: The impact of live, ongoing TV coverage of news events -- particularly on military operations or government policy. Thanks to 24-hour coverage and satellite technology, viewers often find out what's going on at the same time as the commanders and the politicians.
Nominated by Erik Bergman

coachable moment: An opportunity to give on-the-spot, real-time feedback to an employee who just screwed up.
Nominated by Gail Felipe

coaster: The result when your attempt to "burn" a CD fails. "I've made more coasters than music CDs."
Nominated by John Merritt

COB: Acronym for "close of business," generally pronounced C-O-B, not "cob." "I need that report COB (by close of business today)." Also EOB -- end of business.

cobweb site: A Web site that hasn't been updated in ages. The information is outdated, the links are broken, and it's figuratively growing cobwebs. Meanwhile, the owner likely is still being charged a monthly fee to have the site hosted.
Nominated by Randall Becker

cockroach: An apparently small problem that, when discovered, leads to uncovering many other problems.
Nominated by Eric Dahlinger

codify: Consulting gurus have really latched onto this one. It’s simply one of those words that sounds important. Primarily, they "codify" information when they arrange or systematize it. Hopefully so it makes sense. "We’ll codify the strategic issues for you." We've seen a lot of what consultants produce and we wonder if they aren’t using the "other" meaning of codify: To reduce to a code.
Nominated by Daniel Deal

coin operated: Description of someone whose sole motivation is money. "He's a coin-operated salesman. He won't even call his mother unless it pays a commission."
Nominated by Dale Riley

collaborative: This year’s buzzword maker. Just put "collaborative" in front of any word or phrase and you’re in business. See "collaborative commerce solutions," "collaborative filtering," "collaborative partnership." Psssst: Collaborative means "working together."

collaborative filtering: This one’s a cross between capitalism and Big Brother. It’s the ability of a company to match you with other customers who bought similar products. Then the company offers to sell you additional products that your "matches" also bought. It’s how Amazon.com knows what other books to recommend to you after you make a selection.

collaborative partnerships: Hmmmm. Why would you have a partnership that wasn't collaborative?

column fodder: Often pointless data entered into a spreadsheet to make it look more in-depth and impressive than it really is. "Columns A through C are the only columns that matter. The remaining 17 are column fodder."

Columbo site: A Web page that opens after you unsubscribe from an e-mail list, where a final appeal is made to keep you. Named after TV detective "Columbo," who always had one last parting shot just as he turned to leave.
Nominated by Chris Siegel

coma factor: The degree of dullness of a meeting, presentation or reading material.  "So let's try to describe this issue in language with a low coma factor."
Nominated by Samra Jones-Bufkins

compensated endorser: Term used to obfuscate that celebrities promoting a product are being paid to do so. Also used as a disclaimer: “I love that software -- and no, I’m not a compensated endorser.”
Nominated by Clifton Griffin

competitive advantage: A business phrase that reflects marketers' propensity for overstatement. "Our competitive advantage is great customer service." "Advantage" used alone is just as informative.
Nominated by Mary Parker

competitive salary:  In employment adspeak, it means the hiring company has no intention of paying you any more than any other company -- and probably a tad less.

computerate: Computer literate. To understand how a computer works. "Are you computerate? Or do you need me to do it for you?"
Nominated by Jeff Hendricks

congestion pricing: The attempt to control traffic flow on toll roads by raising prices during peak periods, offering cheaper rates to cars that use toll tags or giving discounts to cars with more than two passengers.
Nominated by Jerry Martin

connectile dysfunction: The inability to get a connection. Most commonly experienced when using a cell phone, but can refer to laptops with Wi-Fi cards, etc. If it persists for more than four hours, please contact your doctor. He can't help your connectile dysfunction, but can give you something to ease your frustration.
Nominated by Eileen Blass

consensus: An opinion or position no one really loves, but everyone is able to live with.
Nominated by Dick Stenmark

contact center: A New Economy name for "call center," the central hub where customer service folks man a company’s phones. Now they answer e-mail, have "live" chats online and clear the fax machine. All for a salary just a few notches above minimum wage.
Nominated by Kathy Thompson

content toxicity: Consultant-speak for out-of-date content. Considered to be poison for any Web site.
Nominated by Thomas Golembeski

conversate: To have a conversation. Created by those who (for some bizarre reason) don't think "converse" or "talk" are adequate.
Nominated by Bob Shier

co-opetition: The result when two competing companies with overlapping products or technology find it beneficial to work together – ultimately increasing sales for both companies. Not to be confused with collusion.
Nominated by Phil Wallace

COR: The latest C-level title - Chief Obstacle Remover.
Nominated by Michael Thiel, president of IC Intracom US, but whose business card lists his title as COR

corbesity: Corporate obesity. When companies become too big. They become fat and complacent. They get lazy, lose their creativity and are no longer able to move quickly in the marketplace.
Nominated by Srimathi Kannan

core competencies: A buzz favorite in corporate circles. It's simply what a person or company does well. "We're dropping our new product line and will focus our efforts on our core competencies." Translation: We're going back to basics.
Nominated by Bill Foley

CORFing: A sports fan's attempt to maintain self-esteem when his or her team loses by Cutting Off Responsibility for Failure. The loyal fan often CORFs by blasting the coach or a beloved player on the local sports talk radio show. Related word:  BIRGing - Basking In Reflected Glory.
Nominated by Mark Worden

corked: To initially appear flawless only to explode in your face later. "The project failed because someone corked the data." Inspired by Sammy Sosa's corked bat.
Nominated by Mark Wudarski

corporate anorexia: A company's unhealthy obsession with cutting the fat. Instead of producing a "lean and mean" operation, the single-minded focus on cost-cutting frequently creates a death spiral resulting in bankruptcy.

corporate antibodies: The forces inside a corporation that shield the company from unnecessary risk. In their zeal to protect the status quo, they often perceive new ideas and ventures as threats thereby stunting the company’s growth.
Nominated by Jeff Babb

corporate bling: The trappings of success and power by which others judge you (and often many people judge themselves) - the big shiny car, large fancy office etc.
Nominated by Jacqui Scarff

corporateer: One who makes commerce a priority over culture. "The corporateer doesn't care what children learn, only what they buy."
Nominated by Mark Worden

corporate DNA: A company's core values, culture, personality, etc., that supposedly gets passed along to all new employees. Corporate DNA, however, is actually altered slightly every time a new person is hired. And a wholesale shift can occur by simply replacing the CEO.
Nominated by Laurel Sutton

corridor cruisers: The growing number of workers who spend most of their time in -- or en route to -- meetings. They're one of the main targets of the fledgling pocket PC industry.
Nominated by Dan Marchant

corridor warriors: Those employees and execs, who spend their day racing from meeting to meeting, tethered to laptops so they can retrieve even the most basic of information, take notes, and remained linked to the rest of the world via e-mail.
Nominated by Beth Camero

COTU: Center Of The Universe. Often used to describe people who are unable to see another point of view because wherever they’re standing is the center of the universe. T-shirts, mugs available
Nominated by Michelle Hornsby

counter-Googling: For years, folks have used Google to do background checks on people they're dating. Now businesses are "googling" customers to dig up info to personalize their service and better target their marketing.

courtesy call: A courtesy call used to be the polite thing to do. When new folks moved into the neighborhood, you paid them a courtesy call to make them feel welcome. Dignitaries visiting a foreign country follow protocol and pay a courtesy call on the leader of that country. But no matter how much they'd like us to believe otherwise, it is not a "courtesy call" when a telemarketer rings your home number. "Good evening, Mr. Smith, this is a courtesy call from ..."
Nominated by Eve Oey

cozies: A book genre in which the amateur sleuth always solves the murder, oddball characters abound but are seldom frightening, no one swears, and violence only happens off page.
Nominated by Mark Worden

CPB: "Conducting personal business" during office hours. Includes surfing the 'Net, speaking to your accountant, sending personal e-mail, etc. "The project isn't complete because Jack has been CPBing all day."

crackberry: Another name for the Blackberry that refers to its addictive nature and the inability of its users to focus on anything else for more than 10 seconds.
Nominated by Laurel Sutton

cranial prosthesis: A wig.
Nominated by Joyce Reed

credenza-ware: An organization's strategic plan that's displayed prominently behind an executive's desk, but sits untouched until it's updated the following year.
Nominated by John Dini

credit you deserve: Empowering-sounding phrase used in advertising to entice consumers with poor credit. Of course, the "credit they deserve" charges exorbitant interest rates disguised by payments that stretch forever.
Nominated by Pat Kelley

crib crasher: Someone who shows up at your front door unannounced.
Nominated by Robert Hensel

criminal stupidity: An act so moronic it defies explanation. Examples: The mother who put her 2-year old in a coin-operated washing machine. And the robbers who tried to yank the cover off an ATM machine by tying a rope to the bumper of their car (allowing the bank camera to photograph the license plate).
Nominated by Janet LoFurno

critical path: A list of tasks necessary to complete a project. In project management, it's the ultimate alibi. If there's even one delay in the "critical path," the project will not be completed on time.
Nominated by Bob Sandhu

crittercam: A miniature camera attached to a wild animal so researchers not only can track them, but see the world from the animal’s point of view.

CRM: Consultants Raking in Millions since consultants seem to be the only folks financially better off after a company implements a "customer relationship management" software solution.
Nominated by Charles Mitchell

CRM: see "customer relationship management"

CRO: Chief Restructuring Officer: The person hired or appointed to "restructure" a troubled or bankrupt company. Generally an expert at restructuring debt, but may also be adept at jettisoning the folks who created the mess in the first place. Gives new meaning to the phrase "eating crow."
Nominated by Randall Becker

crowdsourcing: Instead of outsourcing work to places like India or China, some innovative companies are crowdsourcing - using talent (generally cheap or free) that's scattered (not located in one place). Thanks to the Internet, a programmer in Boise with a few extra hours in his day can work for a Pennsylvania company to fill a hole.

crufty, cruftier: Geek-speak for something that's poorly built or overly complex. Often used to describe new software features that are added at the expense of functionality. "The latest upgrade from Microsoft is cruftier."
Nominated by Heather Jones

cryptonoia: The paranoid tendency to read meaning into things that aren't there. "Cryptonoiacs can't read the back of cereal box without finding a hidden conspiracy." (Of course, they're probably right!)
Nominated by Steve Kristy

C-suite: A suite or collection of offices where C-level execs (CEOs, CFO, CMOs, CIOs, etc.) work. "To sell our new product, we'll need to focus on C-suite execs."

cube farm: What most workplaces have become. It’s a large open space within an office that’s been subdivided into endless rows of cubicles.
Nominated by Bob Fegan

cubicle vultures: Office mates who circle a laid-off worker's desk then swoop in to pick it clean -- appropriating prized chairs, lamps, file cabinets, staplers, etc., for their own cubicles.

cup-holder cuisine: Food packaged to fit in the cup holder of a car and marketed to commuters who feel compelled to eat while driving – and who, of course, are using their other free hand to hold their cell phone.

customer-centric: This comes from the process of taking any noun and tacking "centric" to the end of it. In this case, it means a business, product or service is focused or "centered" on the customer. "Our new product line was produced using a customer-centric process."  Now there's a novel concept.

customer facing: Not a sewing term. In the software world, it’s what the customer sees and interacts with – frequently the image presented on a computer screen. In business, customer facing is what customers encounter when they interact with a company, such as sales or customer service people.

customer intimacy: Corporate attempt to "get close to the customer" that basically invades buyers' privacy by monitoring (and databasing) their purchases, inquiries, requests, etc., in order to personalize products and services --therefore boosting sales and customer loyalty.

customer relationship management: A fancy term that means you should treat customers as individuals and customize what you do to make them happy. Large companies do this with multimillion-dollar computer systems. Small companies generally do it with a handshake and a smile.

C-wall: An academic requirement where a student must receive at least a C grade in a prerequisite course in order to register for a more advanced course. Failure to breach the C-wall often results in a change in major, change in career plans or change in schools.
Nominated by Michael Theil

cyberbalkanization: Online narrow-mindedness.  A product of the Internet’s ability to bring together narrowly-focused, like-minded individuals who increasingly know and care more and more about less and less.
Nominated by Jeff Babb

cyberbeggars: Individuals who create their own Web sites in order to beg for cash to pay off their debts and actually get people to send them money. Also known as e-panhandling. Note of caution: Beware cyberbeggars who accept credit cards.
Nominated by Michael Troiano

cyberchondriacs: People who obsessively pore through health Web sites in search of diseases and symptoms with which to misdiagnose themselves.
Nominated by Lyn Laboriel

cyberskeptics: A growing group of legal experts that thinks the need for separate "cyberlaws" to govern the "cybercitizens" of "cyberspace" is "cybersilly." They argue that something happening online shouldn’t be treated any differently by the law than if it occurred on Main Street.

cyberslackers: Employees who use the company Internet connection during work hours to surf the Net, shop, play games, check stock prices, etc.

cycles: We used to have life cycles and economic cycles, but more and more it's a cool way of referring to how much time you have available. "I don't have the cycles to attend that meeting today." Or: "Give it to Jackson, he has the cycles."
Nominated by Brent Bailey